Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.
Officer: Don’t have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can’t do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The first officer is stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.
Let It Go - Idina Menzel vs. Anais Delva (Split)
The left ear is ”Let It Go” from the 2013 Disney film “Frozen”, performed by Idina Menzel. The right ear is the French dub, performed by Anais Delva.
Listen to more of my stuff here.
Download this edit here.
Potterheads wake up from their nap in front of their common room’s fireplace with a half finished potions essay in front of them.
Whovians are woken up jolted from the captains seat while the TARDIS spins out of control and the Doctor flipping over the TARDIS controls.
Supernatural fans wake up on Bobby’s couch. Dean, Sam and Bobby just got news about a hunt and are about to call Cas for assistance.
Fringe fans wake up to tell Walter, Olivia and Peter about their experiences in the alternate reality.
Hangover fans wake up to find themselves in a completely fucked up situation in a trashed hotel room.
Gleeks wake up to find themselves sleeping in spanish class while Mr Shue drones on in spanish.
Torchwood fans wake up in the hub because of the loud make out session that Jack is having with Ianto in his office.
True Blood fans wake up buried underground, thirsting for blood.
Percy Jackson fans wake up to a new day of Demigod activities at Camp Half Blood.
The Hunger Games fans wake up… in the Hunger Games. The gamekeepers decided to fuck with them.
Pretty Little Liars fans wake up to the sound of a text message from A.
Gossip Girl fans wake up to Chuck, Dan and Nate in their bed. Oh yeaaaaaa.
Aiden Grimshaw fans wake up to being presidents of the Awesome People Party~
lord of the rings fans wake up in the shire on bilbo’s birthday and steal gandalf’s fireworks with merry and pippin.
trekkies wake up aboard the enterprise, preparing for alpha shift, tugging their respective tunics over their heads.
the legend of zelda fans wake up in hyrule, taking a break from their quest to sleep beneath a tree with epona.
psych fans wake up in the psych headquarters, wondering where their pineapple went.
the pacific fans wake up on peleliu. they’re surely fucked now.
buffy the vampire slayer fans wake up in the magic box before a hunt with buffy.
bioshock fans wake up in rapture, lying next to a splicer with a big daddy approaching.
Inception fans oh wait
X-Men fans wake up and realize they’re five minutes late to Professor X’s lecture on genetics.
Sherlock fans wake up on the couch at 221B Baker Street to Sherlock saying “obviously” and John cooking breakfast.
Starkid fans wake up on a distant planet surrounded by bugs… grody. Or maybe they wake up in Joey Richter’s bed.
it’s not like anyone would complain
Portal fans wake up in the Enrichment Centre to Wheatley telling them they might have a minor case of eh… serious brain damage.
Avatar: TLA fans wake up to the yells of the Gaang, saying they have to get up and hop on Appa since those dangerous ladies are chasing them again.
Fullmetal Alchemist fans wake up… because someone said ‘short’ in Edward Elric’s presence. And fuck, sleeping is kinda hard with a shrimp of an alchemist yelling “WHO DID YOU CALL A PIPSQUEAK SO SMALL YOU WOULDN’T SEE HIM WITH A MICROSCOPE?!”
Sanctuary Fans wake up to an abnormal loose in the Sanctaury and Helen Magnus handing you a stun gun.
Stargate Fans wake up to the sound of an unscheduled off world activation and Teal’c handing you a zat.
Once Upon a Time Fans wake up with a vague sense of confusion, but then happiness builds up in their hearts as they look down at themselves and see they are a storybook character and the Curse has been broken at last.
Pirates of the Caribbean Fans wake up marooned on a desert island, head banging from the after effects of rum and too much sun, next to a highly annoyed Captain Jack Sparrow, watching the Black Pearl sail away under Barbossa’s command again.
Avengers fans wake up to another day fighting crime and protecting the city with the avengers.
Criminal Minds fans wake up in Quantico to Hotch telling them ‘Wheels up in 30. Briefing on the jet.’
Literally the Best thing ever!
^^ reblogging for the inception one
Welcome to Night Vale fans well… just another day in Night Vale
Touhou Project fans: Wake up to the sounds of yelling, bullets, and probably the Prismrivers being sneaky little shits and playing background music
Shingeki no Kyojin fans: Wake up to a day full of fun emotional trauma!
Okami fans: Wake up and smell the cherry blossoms… and probably see a white wolf wandering around.
Skullgirls fans: Have fun beating the shit out of people just to get to a demonic skull that grants your wishes.
PMMM fans: DO NOT
Pokemon Fan wake up to find that since they graduated from Trainer’s School, they can now choose a starter Pokemon from the local professor and begin their journey around the world.
Les Mis Fans: wake up and find their one true love is about to die a symbolic and martyring death specifically by eight bullets. or they don’t wake up at all, which is worse.
"I’ve written a song for my wife."
Fred was married 72 years to his wife. He wrote a song for her when he saw a songwriting contest advertised in the paper, and he couldn’t resist writing one for her. She had just passed a month earlier.
They had been together since the 30′s.
96 years old, Fred couldn’t play an instrument or sing, so he simply mailed in his lyrics, attaching his story in the letter. When the studio holding the contest saw his song and read his letter, they decided to record it for him and play the song for him to hear.
Grab some tissues before you watch this.